Went to Harrods of Knightsbridge yesterday. I stopped because it had a big notice in one of the windows saying WONDERLAND, complete with a white rabbit carrying a watch.

I asked the doorman where WONDERLAND was and he said, "Oh, it could be anywhere. Anywhere and everywhere." Which I guess was true, and quite poetric, really, but not very enlightening about Harrod's wonderland.

So I asked a woman at the perfume counter, and she directed me upstairs to the third floor, by the delicious sweetie department (now that really is a wonderland, at least for fat kids).

Once on the third floor, we saw no sign of Wonderland - just lots of notices dangling tantalisingly from the ceiling.

So I enquired once more, of another assistant, who looked baffled. Then she said "Oh, it's just a general concept" and waved her arms around, to show how general it was

Her friend, eager to help, added "Or, there's a Wonderland Cafe just round the corner, you know."

So I followed the directions to Wonderland Cafe. This took me through the "pampered pets" department, which is HUGE. At one stage, I thought I'd found the Wonderland Cafe but it turned out just to be a stand selling iced cupcakes - cupcakes specially for dogs.

Finally I reached what used to be Harrods children's cafe. It was brightly decorated - mostly with Easter eggs - and was entirely empty, and is now proudly entitled WONDERLAND CAFE. . By now I had been 30 mins in the shop and was wilting a bit, so I considered buying a coffee.

But the price, four pounds, was also a wonder. So I decided not to.

So I went all the way then down the stairs again, out into bustling Knightsbridge, no wiser about Harrods Wonderland.

And went home - wondering...